Published on : 12 October 20223 min reading time

Is having sex after an argument a good idea or would it be better to let it simmer and talk calmly later? Opinions are divided because while for some this is the norm, for others, sex is not considered at all after a disagreement. And psychological research on the subject brings equally varied results. But despite differences of opinion, it has been found that making love after small quarrels is beneficial. This is no longer the case after serious fights, especially if sex is used to block verbal confrontation or to make yourself believe that the relationship is still working when the situation is really critical. So when is it right to have sex after a fight and when is it not?

MAKE LOVE AFTER AN ARGUMENT

Post-contentious sexual relations are very frequent to make peace because arguments would awaken our atavistic instincts of primates, both male and female. It is no coincidence that post-contentious sex is, in the vast majority of cases, hot and very passionate. The partners need to awaken the desire of the other, to feel it, to recover it after the brief psychological separation. But it also represents a form of forgiveness that, through the body, is granted to the partner.

Partners are drawn to the adrenaline that increases during couple’s quarrels, which helps to light the fire of passion. But as mentioned, in the case of very heated arguments, restorative sex is ambiguous. According to psychology, love quarrels after sex, on the one hand, could do good, if used to stimulate complicity and the desire to (re)meet, on the other hand, it can become a bad habit aimed at avoiding verbal confrontation or block it for fear of the consequences.

MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR!

According to some research, there are many couples in crisis who make love after arguing to rekindle the passion. In these cases, instead of being constructive, love is usually used to hide the cracks in the relationship, pretending for a moment that everything can be solved by the communion of bodies. It is obvious that a healthy relationship does not only involve sex, but a complicity that transcends the purely physical plane. Sex cannot be transformed into a healing tool when the couple is at the end of its rope.

WHAT TO DO AFTER AN ARGUMENT?

How to behave after a quarrel if the other disappears or is very angry? If making love has not brought peace but has increased the distance between you, the only solution is to see each other and talk about it in person: it is true that passion sometimes calms conflicts, but it cannot be the answer to all quarrels! A much more constructive thing to do, especially if the situation is repeated very often, is to step back and try to find the real motivation behind the ongoing discussions.

But why does a couple always argue? It obviously depends on the case: it may be a relationship that is now exhausted, a way of not letting go of love, a symptom of lack of confidence and self-esteem, or a sick way of behaving, typical of partners with aggressive personalities who project their faults on each other.